Someone Desperately Wants Me
Only after contacting him did I know that there is only a lustful form of a man; this is a concept for our entire male race, so it is wrong. While returning, Sunil’s body got away from me; if he came along, I feel as if his body is immortal and the soul of the realization is everlasting, who will be with me all the time.
The feeling that someone desperately wants me and wants to see me happy is enough to live.
A line of songs written by Sunil, written on the mobile screen did a magic effect. He said everything without saying anything. He had not forgotten anything. In our 15 days relationship, that song was the only one he used to express his passion while humming, and I too accepted his silent invitation, wordless, my gesture, searching for myself in the meaning of that song.
Love Story – Thirty Years Later
Thirty years later, suddenly, her name and formal message on social media
‘Hello Pooja! How are you?’
It had already created a storm in my mind. Its existence had ended for me under the thick sheet of circumstances and time.
It is told that: if the maintenance is not done, then the palace also becomes ruins; then, it was an easygoing age in which neither dreams of the future nor promises are made. Just someone’s silent admirer’s eyes
Just by having an interview, one feels so beautiful that the mind starts decorating colorful dreams. Time is powerful, which works as an ointment to forget all the good and bad memories. But this new technology had brought my past to face. A storm was created in the serene sea.
Is it a curse or boon for me? I got into thinking. Due to the present circumstances, there was no justification for this. It will only irritate the mind.
So Do You Remember Everything…
Initially, a formal conversation revealed that he lived with his family in Bhopal while me in Mumbai. Suddenly, one day, after reading the line of that song on the mobile screen, my state of mind had exactly become the same. It was like seeing silent love in his eyes for the first time.
In response to his song line, I could not stop myself from drifting into the latent emotions of thirty years ago and was forced to respond to express them. I wrote:
So do you remember everything… Circumstances are not favorable, but we can talk as friends. We are both free from our responsibilities, so this new twist in our relationship will not only violate our duties towards our families but will fill the void that has come in this stage of age.
Anyway, you have never been compensated; that is the corner of my heart… I started feeling astonished as soon as I sent the message. What have I done! He had written only one song line. What did I write about him without knowing what he meant…
What would have changed in his personality over the years? How would he think? What will he think by reading? A married woman also wants to have a relationship with a man after marriage. Yes, the man was there, only a formal meeting of 15 days, and after that, the gap of so many years does not indicate any kind of intimate relationship.
In any case, in a male-dominated society, such impunity of women is given the status of shamelessness, especially at the time when we met. This is what our sacraments used to say.
Hopefully! There would also be a button that, when pressed, the message that was sent would also be deleted. On my screen, I was scared and immediately deleted. After receiving his answer, my self-respect increased further.
His reply was:
I just want friendship with you, it is not right to be so emotional…
I wrote in response:
I want some time…
I had forgotten everything
The mind was very upset. I had forgotten everything. She had compromised with her monotonous married life. Then why all this? And it was at that stage of age when physical strength wanes.
Just to stay healthy, a man wanders to get mental happiness and wants to go wherever little love is found; that is, there is no special difference in the mental state and needs of the easygoing age and responsibility of this age.
I believed that love could never be transformed into friendship. It is impossible to draw the line between friendship and love. I decided in my mind that I will be completely in control of my feelings and will not let myself be exposed to them, but while doing formal chatting, I would have thought that I would write a romantic thing.
She kept searching for her own meaning in every sentence. And sometimes, an unsuccessful mind gets depressed after failing and is surrounded by insecurity that this relationship is not temporary as before. And even if it does, how will it play out due to adverse circumstances?
Do you remember me yet?
I wanted to be satisfied with chatting but could not deprive myself of the hypnosis of his proposal to listen to my voice. My first sentence, as I called, was,
Do you remember me yet?
Remember that which is forgotten. I have never forgotten you. Learn to live with your memories. I never thought you were away from me….
In this way, he and I mimicked our silent memories.
Time had not changed our feelings even a little, but circumstances had allowed our tongue to choose restrained words, so speaking the words carefully, so that I would remain in the circle of friendship.
How difficult it was when age was such that the knowledge of words to express their feelings was incomplete, and now despite having immense knowledge, there is no freedom of expression.
Even after finishing the talk, the mind was disturbed by an unfulfilled thirst. But I did not want to lose it and left the responsibility of decision on my mind to God. I had no effort to meet him; it was all God’s plan.
It is said that there is a purpose behind meeting someone in life; maybe God had introduced me to you to support the wandering, recluse, innocent mind.
This much I knew during the last 15 days of meeting that he is very serious for our silent love. But our social relationship is such, due to which it had no future.
Talking to him
Talking to him also came to know that our correspondence was put to a complete stop as soon as his letter was written by his elder brother, and I was also without knowing the reason for his letter not coming.
Those letters went underground and forever ruined this relationship. But just as lightning glows in the clouds and reminds us of its existence, in the same way, it used to show its foggy presence on my psyche table sometimes; then all became equal with the cloud sorting.
Things started happening every other day. The time was fixed for that. Before the phone arrived, there used to be a strange uneasiness; a strange thrill was experienced while calling. I used to go and talk in a place where no one saw. A conviction surrounds him.
I was thinking about what kind of sin that I am committing, hiding from my husband. I am talking about… what is this relationship, which, despite being so pure, is considered immoral after marriage.
We do not get tired of singing the supernatural love of Krishna with Radha. The entire Vrindavan city resonates with the name of Radha and considers cosmic love as adultery. What double mindset is this? Do the seven words taken at the time of marriage give all happiness to the human being, which meets this anonymous relationship? Is marriage not fetters?
What to live for financial and physical security
Does it not require emotional security simultaneously? Which is mostly non-existent in marital life.
My husband does not understand our feelings, yet I am forced to live with him. Is life the name of breathing? It is mental abuse only by the rules made by society.
This outrage is clearly revealed in words spoken by Amitabh Bachchan in the movie “Silsila”
Heart says, lift every ritual of the world, let the wall which is in both of us, drop today… Why keep the heart burning, world? Let me tell you… yes, we have love…
words spoken by Amitabh Bachchan in the movie “Silsila“
What Kind Of Relationship Is This?
What kind of relationship is this, which is life-giving and is called antisocial.
Whenever I used to talk to him by phone, I used to flow in the air of his talk. He used to remind me that today’s meeting, that’s all – Once his phone did not come at the specified time.
The mind was filled with strange apprehensions that his wife had given a complete stop to our conversation after listening to us? Talking later, he found out that he was busy. It started repeating many times. The mind was clouded by suspicion of an unsafe relationship.
Then gradually the gap of talking started increasing, so when asked the reason for this, he explained to me.
This is fine in our relationship. Things are endless. I want our feelings to be so normal that there is no uneasiness in the relationship.
Talking To Her
At first, I found her unconvincing, but gradually the wait for her call started to subside, and life became more orderly.
This situation was exactly the same when the romanticism of the early days of love or marriage gradually ended, and life becomes normal. The warmth of the relationship gradually provides coolness with the first rainy smell of sorrow in the scorching summer season. It was a very pleasant feeling, which cannot be described in words.
Both of us wanted to see the change in each other at this stage of life together. The proverb ‘where there is a will, there’s a way’ came to be known and got a chance to visit her with her husband in her city in a family function.
There Is Only A Lustful Form Of A Man
His family knew about our relationship, yet he confirmed this nameless relationship by inviting me to come to his house; I was pleasantly surprised and proud to think that I still have a special place for him.
He gave the place of diyas kept on the way to the diyas kept in the temple. We were pretending to be neutral in his house for hardly an hour of the mass meeting, but the exchange of silent language was also going on in the heart. I was very happy to see her happy family. The credit goes to him for such a beautiful and settled form of this relationship.
I was like a sea, whose dam was uninterruptedly ruffled to flow when it opened suddenly. He controlled his flow because the result of excess is destruction. Only after contacting him did I know that there is only a lustful form of a man; this is a concept for our entire male race, so it is wrong.
Leave Fate With A Beautiful Twist
While returning, Sunil’s body got away from me; if he came along, I just feel as if his body is immortal and the soul of the realization is immortal, who will be with me all the time. The feeling that someone desperately wants me and wants to see me happy is enough to live.
The poet has defined such a relationship very beautifully
It is not possible to leave that fate, it is good to leave it with a beautiful twist …
In the context of today’s evolving technology, when there are so many means of contact, women – Its definition can be changed due to change in the thinking of the world in the relationship of male. If we write additions instead of leaving, then this relationship will be meaningful.
